You've reached Jonnie Walker...'s phone because apparently I didn't answer. Leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm sober. Or not. Depends. I might already be sober, who's to say? Maybe I'm ignoring the phone intentionally. Or maybe I'm dead, in which case I won't be calling back. So if I'm dead, stop filling up my inbox, other people need to not reach me too.

I'll re-record this sober whenever what I've got here stops cracking me up.

*beep*